Masturbation: A Beginners Guide

The first step to a good masturbation session is to create a sexy environment. Do everything that makes you feel sexy. Some examples are taking a hot bath or shower, lighting candles or incense, dancing, playing some sexy music, or dimming the lights. Do whatever you can to have some sort of environment where you know you won’t be disturbed for a while. That way you can be completely comfortable. If you’re into pornography, find something you really like to watch, read or look at.

If you’re a first timer or you have low self-esteem, take some naked time. Look at yourself in the mirror, get used to your body. See how attractive you are! You might want to massage some lotion onto your body. This segues into the next part, touching yourself.

Take time with this part. Touch every part of your body. Caress yourself. See what feels good. Tease your fingers along your skin. You can start with massaging your feet and work your way all around your body. Avoid your genitals at first, but after a while start caressing your chest, down to your hips, your thighs, your buttocks, and then your genitalia.

 If you have a vagina, start with your pubic area. The part of your body where your thighs meets your pubic area can be very sensitive. After you’ve caressed your pubic area you can explore your outer labia and into your inner labia. At the very top of your inner labia there’s a little nub that at this point might not be very big. That’s your clitoris. That’ll probably be the part you want to concentrate on at first. You can caress around your inner labia and around your vagina, but it’s probably best if you don’t try vaginal stimulation yet. Continue to caress and massage the erogenous zones you’ve found while touching your body. Do anything that feels good. Caress around your clitoris, varying rhythm, pressure, and speed. Try to stay focused on sex. Fantasize about whatever most turns you on, continue watching porn if that’s what you chose to do or you can read erotica or pornographic comics.

Everyone’s body is different, so your clitoris may not be very sensitive or may even be painful to stimulate. A lot of times if you go right to direct clitoral stimulation (especially if you haven’t masturbated much) it can be really uncomfortable. stroke around the clitoris, not directly on it. Stroking over underwear may work best, especially at first. As you keep getting warmed up, and start producing vaginal lubrication, you can go to direct clitoral stimulation. You can also use lube if you don’t produce enough vaginal lubrication, or if it’s easier for you to get aroused with clitoral stimulation. Go slowly at first and then you can work your way up to faster and harder stimulation or you can just continue to stimulate around the clitoris. Remember, the outer part of the clitoris is only a small part of the structure, The nerves also exist below the skin so stimulating anywhere around the vulva can be pleasurable. Experiment and find out what works best for you. It may help to use a bullet vibrator around your vulva. You may not want it on your clitoris but it still could provide stimulation. Some people do have vulvadyna or clitorodynia which causes pain around the vulva or clitoris. If none of these tips work you might want to see a doctor about it. You can also try non direct stimulation by rubbing your vulva either with underwear or pants on or naked. You can either scoot back and forth on a flat surface like a chair with your legs spread and labia against the surface, or you can put a pillow between your legs while lying down on your side or stomach, rubbing your thighs together and grinding your crotch against the pillow. Also, some people can masturbate rubbing their vulva against a bed while lying on their stomach but that angle is difficult for some people to achieve. It helps if you use the back of your hand or a pillow.

If you’re having problems getting turned on enough you might want to try getting a vibrator. The best kind of vibrator to start with and the most effective for clitoral stimulation is the bullet vibrator, although there are a lot of clitoral vibrators out there. It’s a small ball that usually has a wire going to the control. Put that around the clitoris and turn it on its lowest setting. Start rubbing it around and on the clitoris, applying more direct pressure and upping the settings as you feel necessary.

If you find yourself reaching a plateau where it becomes too much to stimulate the clitoris, again try non direct stimulation. It can help to stimulate through underwear or clothing. It can also be better to stimulate around the clitoris instead of directly on it. Stimulate the labia, around the vagina or in the vagina, other parts of your genitals, around or in the anus, or other erogenous zones. Also try different pressures, a lighter touch or a more firm touch may be easier to use around or on the clitoris. It varies from person to person. It may be a good idea to try a little cool down period and not stimulate the genitals, though do other things that arouse you so you will continue to be aroused. If it continues to be too sensitive, just listen to your body and stop. It could be you already orgasmed without realizing it. Remember not all orgasms are fireworks and curled toes, some are barely noticeable with the only indication is that your clitoris becomes too sensitive to touch.

This part of masturbation should be a part you spend a lot of time on. Figure out what parts of your vulva feel good and what kind of stimulation feels best. You can also use it on other erogenous zones. Figure out what feels good for you. If clitoral stimulation doesn’t do it for you or it’s just not comfortable that’s fine! Some people don’t have very pleasurable clitorises and find much more pleasure through vaginal stimulation. You may need to use lube or smaller toys at first but if you’re aroused enough and your body doesn’t need clitoral stimulation you can go right to entry.

At this point if you’re totally in the groove, horny and turned on, you can try vaginal stimulation. A good way to tell if you’re ready for entry isn’t just how you feel, but also if your vagina has started producing liquid or is “wet”. If it is, put a finger in. Start slowly and carefully. If you haven’t gotten wet enough but you feel like you’re ready for penetration you might need some lube. Some vaginas just don’t produce a lot of liquid and you might need a little help. Remember, only ever do what feels good and pleasurable to you. If you’re not comfortable with vaginal stimulation don’t do it! If you are, once you have a finger in a good thing to do is crook your finger upwards and press on the upper wall of your vagina. Around this area is your g-spot, the internal part of the clitoris. It can be very pleasurable to stimulate it, some people can experience an orgasm from g-spot stimulation alone, and it’s very important in attempting ejaculation or “squirting”. Be sure to continue stimulating your clitoris throughout entry and g-spot stimulation if clitoral stimulation is pleasurable. If you feel yourself start to loosen and feel more liquids being produced you can try adding more fingers, but don’t rush yourself!  As you get more adventurous you can get a dildo or vibrator to try vaginal stimulation. The cervix raises as the vagina expands so for anyone doing deeper/toy stimulation it’s probably better to wait until after you’re turned on enough for this to happen before you do so. Some people have a lower cervix so be wary of that. Many people find when their cervix is bumped it’s painful. If it’s not for you or it feels good you can bump it, just be weary that this does increase irritation and risk of infection. They make specific vibrators that have g-spot stimulators, clitoral stimulators, or all kinds of functions and do-dads. It might be best to start simple and work your way up, or you can jump right in.

You can also try anal stimulation. Although people with vaginas may not have a prostate, the nerves around the anus are very sensitive. You can just try rubbing around that area or in-between your vagina and anus. If you want to try more stimulation, get some lube and remember to go slowly and if it starts to hurt, stop! You don’t have to go too far in to feel pleasure; just rubbing around the opening can be pleasurable. There are many toys made for anal stimulation that you can try out if you’re comfortable with it. Remember: Never go from your anus to your vagina with anything, fingers or toys.

At this point just do whatever feels pleasurable. Keep stimulating your clitoris with either your hands or a vibrator if it feels good. Don’t feel like you have to do too much at first. You don’t have to do any vaginal stimulation your first time if clitoral stimulation feels good. Keep touching your body and erogenous zones as well as your clitoris or vagina. Keep an eye on your breath, be sure to take deep even breaths, even if you are getting close to orgasm. This makes it easier to get to orgasm and can make the orgasm better. This can also help you to be sure to stay in the moment. Don’t get too bogged down by your desire for orgasm, it really is the ride that matters. Just feel the pleasure you’re feeling right now.

Don’t feel discouraged if you don’t reach orgasm. Some people don’t orgasm, or you might have to experiment a bit. Some people also need a partner to feel good, masturbation does nothing for them. It’s a good idea to experiment anyway with masturbation, unless it’s really not something you’re interested in. Experiment with positions, you can try sitting, lying down on your back, reclining, lying down on your stomach, standing up, or leaning against a wall. Varying your masturbation technique from time to time keeps you from becoming desensitized or too used to orgasming in one certain way which can make it more difficult to feel pleasure in other ways. Experiment with your stimulation, you can stimulate either around or directly on your clitoris. Everyone’s body is different. A lot of people are more stimulated by clitoral stimulation and it may be difficult to orgasm with g-spot stimulation. This isn’t always true though, for some people clitoral stimulation does nothing and g-spot stimulation is the way to go. Get to know your body. Also, pay attention to your pressure. Don’t rub too hard or else you’ll start to hurt before you can orgasm. You can use lube to lessen your chances of pain. As you get more advanced you can lessen and lessen the pressure until you can orgasm just from gentle teasing. Also try different techniques. You can rub in a circle, rub your finger up and down or side to side or any other movement like that. For more direct clitoral stimulation you can retract the hood over your clitoris. The clitoris gets erect just like the penis does. When you first begin your clitoris might be completely hidden by the hood and almost unnoticeable, but as you stimulate it it’ll begin to get bigger and protrude from the hood. Bringing back the hood will make it more sensitive to your touches, but be careful not to be too rough with it. Some people cannot orgasm through clitoral stimulation, so be sure to experiment with g-spot stimulation. Use your fingers or a toy specifically designed for g-spot stimulation and see how it goes. You can stimulate both, just to have all your bases covered. Like I’ve said before, g-spot stimulation is integral for ejaculation so if you apply enough pressure to both your clitoris and g-spot and you start to feel pressure that kind of feels like you might have to urinate you may end up squirting. If you attempt this or feel like it might happen it’s probably a good idea to have towels down.

Everybody’s vulva and vagina is different. You might have a larger clitoris or differently shaped lips, your vagina might be smaller or bigger. Don’t feel self-conscious about your genitalia!

If you want to masturbate during your period, feel free! It can help with cramps and some people have a higher sex drive while menstruating. Here’s how. For clitoral stimulation: you can either scoot back and forth on a flat surface like a chair with your legs spread and labia against the surface, or you can put a pillow between your legs while lying down on your side or stomach, rubbing your thighs together and grinding your crotch against the pillow. Also, some people can masturbate rubbing their vulva against a bed while lying on their stomach but that angle is difficult for some people to achieve. It helps if you use the back of your hand or a pillow. You can also just put your hand in your underwear if you’re wearing a pad and masturbate regularly although it may be messy. You can also just stimulate your clitoris without any protection while wearing a tampon.For vaginal stimulation: Either where a pad and use your hands in your underwear (again this can get messy), or you can lay down a towel and use your hands or a toy. It’s best to use a condom with the toy, especially if it’s porous). You can also masturbate while in the bath or shower.

If you have a penis, masturbation might come a bit easier. Varying your technique is still very important! Don’t feel afraid to touch other parts of your body. A lot of cis men especially feel like their penis is the extent of their sexuality but that is not true. People with penises can have just as much erogenous zones as people with vaginas. Nipples and chest areas can still be very sensitive, as can your stomach, hips, thighs and buttox. Be sure to caress all of your genitalia, including the root of the penis, the head, and the testicles. Vary your speed and your grip. Don’t tug hard and fast on your penis all the time, because that can desensitize your penis. If you have foreskin, play with it! See how it feels to touch different parts of your foreskin, pull it over and back off the head of your penis. See how certain movements feel. It’s also a good idea to always use lube, as this keeps from desensitizing.

I know that there’s kind of a stigma attached to anal stimulation with straight cis men. Feel free though, to stimulate the area in-between your penis and anus. That area, especially near your testicles can be very sensitive. If you’re comfortable with it anal stimulation can be very pleasurable for you. Heterosexual cis men, this doesn’t make you gay. The anus has a lot of nerves and for people who have it, stimulating the prostate is also very pleasurable. You can start small and with lots of lube just stimulate around the anus and in it just a little while masturbating. You don’t have to go all the way in very quickly. As you get more and more comfortable experiment angles until you find your prostate and what feels best to you.

Again, everyone’s genitalia is different. Don’t feel bad about size, girth, foreskin (or lack thereof), how your testicles look, or the shape of your penis. Just find what makes you feel most good.

For trans individuals masturbation can be tricky. Just remember this is YOUR genitalia. Having a vagina and vulva doesn’t make you a woman and having a penis does not make you a man. If it helps, think of your genitalia in the gendered terms you prefer. Your clitoris could be your penis or vice versa, and your anus could be your vagina. Do whatever makes you feel comfortable. Don’t focus on how your body might not look like society’s predetermined standard. You (and your body) are whatever gender you identify with. This can also be important to understand if you’re an intersex individual.

For everyone: Get to know your genitalia. Get to know your body. Be comfortable with yourself. Don’t be too concerned with the orgasm, enjoy your time with yourself, don’t do anything that hurts, and find out what makes you turned on. Never feel bad or ashamed of what turns you on and don’t feel ashamed of masturbation.

Remember, there’s nothing wrong with masturbating a lot! The only time when masturbation is a problem is if it keeps you from doing things you need to do and you masturbate even when you don’t want to, at which point it is an addiction. Some people become sore after a lot of masturbation, sometimes using a bit of water based lube can help, but otherwise just know your limits. Masturbating a lot in no way decreases your sensitivity or makes your vagina “loose”. Especially when you’re a teen or young adult you may find yourself masturbating frequently, maybe multiple times a day. That’s healthy and isn’t something you have to worry about. Everyone is different, some people don’t masturbate at all, some people masturbate once a month, some people masturbate once a week, some people masturbate daily, some people masturbate multiple times a day. Depending on your age and hormones the rate may go up for a while then down for a while and back up for a while. Don’t worry too much about it unless it severely affects your life.